Honesty.

Guaranteed in a lot of my posts I will address honesty in people.  Nothing frustrates me more in life than dishonesty.  A lot of teenagers go through phases where for whatever reason, they tell little white lies.  I however, was even always terrible at this and found that being honest was a million times easier and a million times more effective (for reasons that go without saying).

Yesterday I was involved in a conversation where honesty was discussed, and for the last 24 hours I've been thinking about it again in great detail. 

Without honesty, our lives and the fabric of our society will disintegrate into ugliness and chaos.
Gordon B. Hinckley

How unfortunate is it, that we can know that this is something that is happening.  Despite all the wonderful and beautiful things in this world, you don't have to look very far to see that there is clearly ugliness and chaos.  What makes dishonesty so appealing (I really am asking this question to anyone who may be reading, because I simply don't understand)?  It seems to me that if you lie, you need to work that much harder to remember who you've told what, and therefore you'd get yourself caught in this web of something that is entirely unnecessary and entirely fabricated.

If however we choose honesty, we have very little to consider.  We won't ever need to go back and apologize for lying, and we won't ever need to worry about keeping our stories straight.  The greatest difficulties I've had with people are through decisions of dishonesty.  I've lost many friends because I saw this ridiculous web of lies they were creating and they lost a grasp on any sort of reality.  While their lies may have fooled other people, I couldn't be duped and I refuse to go along with that kind of charade.

In a lot of situations it takes courage to choose honesty but, I'd like to think the reward for choosing it is much greater than the alternative. 

In words shared by Richard C. Edgley, he shares this short story that illustrates how an example of honesty can influence those around us:

Some 30 years ago, while working in the corporate world, some business associates and I were passing through O’Hare Airport in Chicago, Illinois. One of these men had just sold his company for tens of millions of dollars—in other words, he was not poor.

As we were passing a newspaper vending machine, this individual put a quarter in the machine, opened the door to the stack of papers inside the machine, and began dispensing unpaid-for newspapers to each of us. When he handed me a newspaper, I put a quarter in the machine and, trying not to offend but to make a point, jokingly said, “Jim, for 25 cents I can maintain my integrity. A dollar, questionable, but 25 cents—no, not for 25 cents.”  A few minutes later we passed the same newspaper vending machine. I noticed that Jim had broken away from our group and was stuffing quarters in the vending machine.

He goes on to say:
There will never be honesty in the business world, in the schools, in the home, or anyplace else until there is honesty in the heart.
The entirety of the article can be read HERE   


I hope we can all find it in ourselves to desire honesty in our own hearts.  I know our relationships will be stronger, our minds will be more clear and our consciences will be free of guilt. 

A Choice.

I'll be completely honest; the majority of what has been going on in my life, has been going on in my head.  I've been thinking and sorting a lot out in my mind.  I lack the eloquence to express what I'm thinking and feeling in most situations, most especially in the situation I currently find myself in.  A lot of people are dealt some pretty terrible cards in life and unfortunately a lot of those people choose to be jaded.  They choose to be unhappy.  They look at their situation in a one-minded manner and become jaded.  I remember watching the final moments of Conan O'Brien's last episode of The Tonight Show.  To me this had to be a perfect example of someone who could have chosen to be jaded and cynical.  And while we can never know personally how he felt, and we can never know what was going on behind the scenes, we can always remember the last words he shared with his audience:

All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.   


I love this popular example of a quality that is ruining personal lives and a quality that is possibly ruining our society.  The final quote in The Daily G's thoughts on cynicism (I recommend reading the whole article for context) rings true: 


...One should not respond to the ‘negative’ by becoming jaded – see clearly and don’t get caught up by ideas: by the time you start reacting against them, you’re already caught in a hall of mirrors.


I'd say a major goal of mine (along with countless people) in life, is simply to be happy.  There are too many good things in life to choose unhappiness, in any situation.  One of the few times I shared a room in my life was last year, my final year in college.  As my roommate and I recognized we were both going through difficult situations we came up with a plan: every night before we went to sleep we would have to say at least one positive thing about our painful experiences.  It was an extremely simple thing to do and as I look back now, I can tell that it helped me get through a severe part of a great trial.


Choosing to focus on the positive and choosing to recognize that in every situation there is positivity will save much stress and disappointment.  Choosing cynicism and focusing on the negative will lead to heartbreak and a skewed perception of what life truly is.  

A Flower on a Path.

In the last few weeks, I've had a few low-key theological conversations with family and friends.  I finished the novel Eat, Pray, Love and have found myself discussing Elizabeth Gilbert's now best-selling and blockbusting "Search for Everything."  I truly did love this book.  I loved her writing, and the way she expressed her passion for everything.  She described the food so well in her Italy portion of the book, that literally my mouth was watering, and for days all I craved was that pizza from Naples.

In discussing it with my mom (who could only speak for the movie), she said that while she enjoyed the movie, she wasn't as inspired as some may be.  She noted, "I can be inspired by a friend who overcomes a difficult situation."  A family friend of mine alluded to the fact that, "Maybe I'm missing something in my life?  I haven't felt that inspired to be that drastic in life."

I have concluded that for each person, inspiration (of course) comes in different forms.  I believe, that we can and should be inspired by the people around us.  We speak of angels and how magnificent it would be to see one in our lifetime.  Everyday we have the opportunity to see those angels.  They are our neighbors, our friends and our family members.  We don't need to look for flying, glowing, white-wearing beings--they are right in front of us.

Inspiration doesn't need to come from people.  It can be much smaller than this.  Yesterday while in church a woman remarked, "...It (inspiration) can be manifested in the form of a flower on a path while taking a walk." I loved this imagery!  I could see a path with a simple flower in the middle of it, and I knew immediately what it was she was talking about.

Spirituality and faith to me, are vital in all lives.  These come in countless forms and regardless of religion (if any), it is possible to have both.  However it may come to any of us in our daily lives, I hope we recognize it when it does.

A Friend.

Lately, I've spent a lot of time thinking about what "a friend" really is.  I've had my fair share of ridiculous run-ins with so-called "friends" in my short 22 years of living. Unfortunately I've found myself forming close relationships with people who are really nothing more than flakes and users. Oh, and liars.  I know one too many  liars.

I tend to think the most of people when I first meet them.  I forget that it's possible that a lot of the time, people are only looking out for themselves.  This is the opposite of the way my mind works; I generally am so nice that I end up getting walked all over.  In fact I played a game recently with some friends (see, oftentimes we don't even REALIZE we use the term friend so loosely. But these really were "friends".) where cards were read aloud with simple, personal questions on them that everyone had to answer.  One of the questions asked was, "What is one quality about yourself you wish you could change."  My response was, "I wish I wasn't so nice to my friends.  Maybe then I wouldn't get used all the time."

I've found that the people who I don't know so well in the beginning, are the same people that years later, have become my best friends.  My theory is, if you don't try hard, a natural bond develops.  I love and hate this idea.  I hate this because, the harder I seem to try with friends, the more I seem to get hurt.  I love it because I truly believe the idea that, "By small and simple things, are great things come to pass."  And because, "Despite everything, I believe that people really are good at heart."

I don't want every post on here to detail run-ins with negative people.  So I'll switch gears and express my gratitude for the people in my life who are the epitome of "good friends."

This post is dedicated to the friend who calls, emails or texts me just as I am needing to talk to someone.  To that friend who recognizes when I am in pain.  Who sits and talks with me on my bed for no reason at all.  The friend who folds my laundry because they know about the terrible day I have had, and refuses to stop when I ask them to.  The friend who takes me out to distract me from the problems I am facing.

This post is dedicated to the friend who includes me in and makes me feel like part of their family.  The friend who is simply honest because it's the right thing to do.  The friend who hangs out until all hours of the night, talking about nothing.  To the friend who realizes and understands that friendship, isn't just a convenience.  The friend who opens their home.  To the friend who knows exactly what I need to hear.

"Be kind.  Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.  No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."

Thanks to all my friends.

Evening "News?"

I generally like to flip through the TV channels at least once each day.  Normally the stations I tend to stop on are 24 hour news networks.  Because I am completely (dare I say) disgusted by what is deemed "news."  CNN Headline News did a yawn-inducing interviewing segment, talking to people on the street about Lindsay Lohan's early release from prison.  This is not news.  This is popular culture gossip.  And I don't need a commentator saying multiple times, "This is what the American people want to hear about."  Is it what people want to hear about?  Or could it be that you are running stories such as these, "assuming" that it's what I want to hear about.

I have no problem with popular culture.  I was a morning show employee of a top-40 radio station where every day I would eat, drink and sleep celebrity gossip.  Every half an hour though, we did news in our local city.  We never started our news section with breaking news that Lindsay Lohan was once again arrested.  It would have never been breaking news that Chelsea Clinton had her dad lose 15 pounds for her wedding, or Chelsea's wedding in general, simply due to the fact that, oh wait...it isn't news.

Just as entertainment outlets take the time for "real news" on occasion, how about the news networks take a bit of time for "popular culture" and stop confusing people as to what truly is "news."

Walmart.

There's a huge difference between the average employee of a Walmart on the East Coast, and the average employee of Walmart on the West Coast.  I personally have numerous relatives who at one time or another have been employed by Walmart and each of these relatives have been in the West (Nevada, California, Idaho, Utah). Some have made it a career and others have taken a job there part time to make ends meet.  I personally have spent, no doubt thousands of dollars at, what one relative so lovingly refers to it as, "Hell-Mart."  I am much more willing to spend money at a Walmart on the West Coast however, and this is made abundantly clear as I look through receipts from years in college and realize that sometimes would visit Walmart up to three times per week.  I am more willing to spend that money because I am greeted with a smile, a friendly face, customer service employees who actually care about the service of customers, a short line, and I can walk in and out in five minutes if I so desired.

Today I walked into a Walmart in Northern Virginia (I was picking up pictures which had been ordered online via a friend in Idaho...otherwise I wouldn't have step foot inside). I know better.  They've recently redone the Walmart, as they have many stores in the chain across the country, and when I walked through those automatic doors I was intrigued.  I thought, "Wow.  They've really changed this place.  I wonder if the service has changed"  (Growing up I probably went to Walmart ten times in eighteen years while at home.  But every year, multiple times a year I would visit family in the West and could honestly say we went to Walmart multiple times each visit, sometimes multiple times a day).  I learned in the first five minutes of being in the Walmart that despite it's structural makeover, it was the same old awful store.  

I spoke to an extremely nice gentleman (the only in my visit) in Electronics, and he pointed me in the direction of the Photo Center.  There was a cluster of people standing around the Self-Help Machines and no one in line to pick up photos.  I walked to the counter and realized not only was there no one else in line, there was no one working at the counter.  I am an extremely patient person when it comes to being in public places and waiting on help.  But after standing there for (yes, I timed it) 10 minutes.  I thought I should seek help.  I walked to the space behind the Check-Out Area because, generally speaking, there is a Customer Service Manager stationed there.  Well, there wasn't.  I walked up and down looking for someone in the blue and khaki. But couldn't find one.  I walked back over to the Photo Center which coincidentally sits right next to the Customer Service/Return Area.  I waited until an employee walked by and said, "I just need to pick up some photos that I had ordered online and there's no one working here it seems.  Is there any way you can help me?"  Her response as she briskly walked away from me was, "I don't know anything about it."

Don't they generally say that "the customer is always right?"  In this case, I wasn't looking to be right.  I was looking to be helped.  She was incorrect in her answer to the question, "Can you help me?" Because, YES she could have very well helped me. "Sure ma'am, let me go find a manager."  

To me this just amounts to being polite.  It is not my intention to generalize.  I don't believe that every person in the East is rude.  I don't believe that every person in the West is polite.  What I do believe however, is that everyone is capable of better.  We can be polite to strangers.  Just the other day, walking into a community center with my mom, she simply said, "How are you this morning?" to a complete stranger.  The woman didn't know how to react for a second and then said, "I'm sorry.  I didn't think you were talking to me.  Nobody around here does that. Ever."  That is one of the most sad things I've ever heard.  It's okay to be friendly.  It's okay to say hello.  It's okay to say thank you when someone holds the door open for you.  Whatever you're doing when you get inside isn't so important that you can't exhale the words as you're walking in.

So let's all remember to be a little more polite.  And let it start with my friends at Walmart.  Because let's face it, we all will be interacting with one, if not more of them, in the near future.

(Eventually I got my pictures.  20 minutes after my run-in with my "I don't know anything about it" friend.)